is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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