i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What changed your mind?
Being sober
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
