ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
