You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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