You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
