my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
where am i from again
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
