He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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