I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
