Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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