Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
