rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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