I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
