just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
