Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
