I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
