I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
