I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
