Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
