Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
