Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
