if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
