is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
