You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
