I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.