Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
