Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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