I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So squirting runs in the family.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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