dude i'm inner monologue high
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
