Buhtt sex?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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