she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
