Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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