dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
