you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
