I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
