So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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