I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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