So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
