you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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