I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
PANTIES FOUND
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
