So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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