he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
