She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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