wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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