Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
