Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
