You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
