mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
