What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
