his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
