saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
