Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
