just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
