While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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