Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
