shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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