your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i came on her dog
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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