I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
