With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
