He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
