She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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