just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
