Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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