Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
