why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
