I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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