Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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