apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
